bridge update!!

ok, neil is playing a benefit with paul macca a couple weeks before so it's pretty obvious paul should return the favor so... white stripes, pj, peppers, ben harper, and TONY BLEEPING BENNETT...all rumors... stay tuned.

Our Favorite Island

Oak Island





Oak Island Enigma
Oak Island Secrets
Mysteries of Canada

My favorite baseball card

These are real. More funny stuff.

Whittier paranormal activity

I stumbled upon what I believe to be ESSENTIAL WHITTIER PARANORMAL INFO. I posted more of my research on my blog. Creepy stuff though. Plane crashes, murders, apparitions, government coverup, church involvment. I'm freaked out. I hope I survive the night. Let's go up to Turnbull and look for poltergists.

a girl from nova scotia

hey, as per andy's good words, i'm in toronto and quite happy about it. this guy asked me for a cigarette on the street and i gave him one after he convinced me that even though he just got out of prison and had no teeth, he wasn't about to quit smoking. i asked him about the woman tattooed on his chest (i guess he had given up the shirt on his back previously) and he told me she was just some girl in nova scotia.

summer of bummer

i know that in lots of ways that this summer has been a tough one for our group of friends. I don't need to make a list because we are all aware of what's going on with each other. there are lots of good things, like matt and lisa getting married this weekend, or me and amanda getting married next month etc, but the heavy stuff just seems to keep hitting again and again

keith - jesse's grandma - and my cousin christopher now has cancer again. he's 26 and married. he was diagnosed with leukemia about a week after my mom died two years ago, but he beat it. super healthy and in full recovery. Last week he broke his foot playing summer-league baseball, and during a blood test they spotted it again. i think that it's stronger than before too, because they flew him from eugene to portland today to get him into an expeerimental cancer ward. they are going to do some sort of cutting edge thing that employs arsenic in his blood. nobody really knows anything at this point though.

What we have in our group of friends at this point is a wonderful opportunity to live up to our potential. for a group of people at our age and place in this life, we are pretty darn amazing. We have a social and spiritual bond that is super hard to come by in this world. it's our responsibility to rise to this occasion of super hard times. we should lift each other up continually in prayer and in speech with one another. we can encourage each other and provide great companionship. all of us know that life is far too precious and short to not do these sort of things. this is our chance as a group to really glorify christ as much as possible. i think we should jump at this chance.

i was also thinking that since there are some many people so close to us dealing with such a mighty foe, that we might want to do something visable to show our support. we could get together and buy some of the yellow wristbands that lance armstrong and livestrong.org are promoting to show support of cancer survivors, patients, and research into fighting it. let me know if any of you want to go in on some.

I love Demi Moore and Pottery

I'm invisible and casper. i am THE ghost. wooooo!
It's good to be back in so cal. if just for the vibe and aura it gives off.
word.

chicago

hey, i'm in ann arbor now. chicago is a great city. i stayed with blaine sven and saw the white sox (couldn't get cubs tix) and walked around downtown and went to the green mill and saw al capone there. i shot him. sawed-off .410. cut him right in half. then i drove through michigan and saw darren's ghost. he was complaining about our blog that jesse started. i'm raising the roof. "M"
-b

counter info

since people seem to be curious, here's some info from the counter for the virtual porch.

you will notice the incredible spike on the 19th, of "day of death" fame. the data said that over 50 unique visitors logged on and checked the site that day to see what was written on it. imagine if each of those people only told two other people, and each of them only told one other person... all of the sudden that's 250 people and it just goes on exponetially. studies have shown that when people experience bad service with a business, or experience something shocking or traumatic, they tell five about it that day. when good things happen, the number of people they tell drop to .5 people. that sucks. anyway there's some info for ya.

(ps - had to shrink the image, because it was a .php file and blah blah blah)

Back on...

But for some reason, I don't have full access to change settings and whatnot. Though I do not think I would need to change the site stylisctically, I feel that since this is the blog that I started, I should have this privilage back. I may want to send invites, check the counter, post a picture, etc.
Anyhow. Bridge School... Oct 23-24... Neil confirmed...rumored: Macca, PJammin', Chilli Poopers, White Power Stripes...

http://www.hyperrust.org/Bridge/Bridge18.html

no more counting windmills

i hate wisconsin and
fat women drivers
with no aim to speak of
but to eat more cheese
and to take the midwest away
from me

Party.

Just to let you know, for those of you who don't know already, big party at our house on Sept. 17, so send me your address if you think I don't have it, and you will get an invitation. More to come...

mitchell, SD

when in oregon's blue mountains
don't blow the barn over and
get lost in the plain when
the only thing you'll see
is a recurring dream

it's one mile to bear river
but honeyville's just a grove of trees

pick a yellow flower, hope
your lights shine bright
there's no stars under the clouds
tonight, remember
don't take your eyes
off the white lines
and don't pass the snowplow
on the right

just like disco jesus, darren and jesse return from the grave

jesse called and appologized to me, and everyone else who was confused and upset about the earlier post. they have been re-invited to the virtual porch and will no doubt be posting again soon.

ps - both of you should buy a cup, so that it wont hurt as bad when you get kicked in the balls next week. =)

Thank you, I do feel welcome here...

Here I am. Rock you like a hurricane.

administrative action

due to a highly offensive post from jesse gloyd and darren harbough, a previous post has been removed from the virtual porch. those of you who saw the post, stating that darren had died from hitherto-unknown injuries related to a car accident, will be glad to know that darren is apperently alive and well... though stupid.

i want to take this opportunity to let both of you, jesse and darren, as well as the general readers know that i am sorely dissapointed that something like this has actually transpired. it's unconscionable that you would deliberatly set out to decieve your friends that love you into believing that darren had passed away. frankly i am greatly angered and saddened at your behaviour. in light of the tremendous struggles that those of us in our groupd of friends have gone through in the last two years, and are even experiencing currently, this act is unforgivable outside of our christian values. i don't even want to give either of you two jerks the satisfaction of knowing what those of us here in southern california went through for a brief time while trying to figure out what was actually going on. you will be lucky the next time that i see you if i dont break your faces.

effective immediately in light of this situation, i am hereby removing both of you (jesse and darren) from the ability to post on the virtual porch for a time to be determined by the community once you have returned.

I need to confess that last night I cheated on Robyn. I am very scared that I will have a child 9 months from now.

trace chutkins...

...broke into my account. coincidentally enough, he has an aunt named darren harbaugh. he is sorry for the mix-up.

this aint your daddy's lindy

gone are the days when "lindy" inspired men, and women alike, to go flying off around the globe in search of adventure. now people are just in it to humiliate others. this site will explain it all.
link via/bOINGbOING

CRASH!

We got in a car wreck. we're fine. it sucked though. jesse, trevor, and i hurt, but are not dead. i'm pretty happy about that.

disco isn't dead, it is risen!

caption: "Ok everybody, For my next miracle I'm gonna turn water into funk!"

check out the context in this fark photoshop contest

best-fake-ad-ever...

here is an awesome ad, though of course it's not actually endorsed by johnson&johnson. if you need some more help (really?) click here (scroll down)

Who's your man?

Check this place out: 2004 AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE SELECTOR
my results are posted on dmh central

Beware the olympics are here.

Maybe you like ring flips, horse twists, ,fence jumps, women's softball, women's basketball, women's soccer, women's-- (ok any sport prefaced by "women's"). But personally I'd rather watch a rerun of Gremlin's 2 starring Phoebe Cates on Comedy Central. And I am going to. Bye.

oh, if you haven't seen it, go to Jibjab.com and watch "this land." It's funnier than your mom's teeth.

fun movie

this guy sounds like gloyd when we try and discuss politics.

I'm at Disneyland...

I'm at Disneyland with nothing too profound to say. I feel like I've been on a road trip the last little while, so I feel it's appropriate to blog about my adventures. I had a deep fried twinkie yesterday at the fair in V-town. The fair was fun. I rode on the Chris Faris Wheel. There was a ride there called Magnum. It spun in circles and featured Tom Selleck's face- for serious. I also say my grandma. She seems sad. It brings me down. She's got cancer, for those of you who don't know. Pray for her. Robyn is hugging me right now. It is nice.

The Dodgers are 30-10 in their last 40. Pretty good. They've really suffered since the trade.

Bachin' this weekend. I stand to win lots of dough. I stand to sweat much. Then it's off to Seattle... and back... and off to a wedding... then Hawaii again... then Bridge School... then Colorado... then Brazil... then Costa Rica... eat my shorts FOO.

Hugs and Humps-

Jessers

don't trust matt lauer with a sig sauer

well, i'm hitting the road on monday. it'll be a good trip i've decided as the locations grow and so do the miles. i'm not really finding the direct route from stanwood, wa to philadelphia, but that's ok. i went shooting today with my brother-in-law up on alger mtn. there's a pair of gravel pits there we always go. pretty nice to shoot stuff with guns. we've found that bowling pins are the best targets. they don't break apart because of the plastic casing and are made of oak so they're strong and heavy and reusable. i'm not sure how many other good uses there are in the world for bowling pins, but i'm sure there's quite a few. perhaps i'll name some now.

-you can bowl with them
-with enough of them you can use them as weights to drown things in rivers or whatever
-they'd break a window
-i think they would work as a peg leg if attached just below the knee
-modern art
-you can make funny looking people if you have a sharpie and a bowling pin
-a few bowling pins and you can fashion a makeshift crucifix
-try carrying a couple bowling pins when you run, the pounds will melt off like butter
-they're good for target shooting
-they'll pass for a last minute trophy if necessary (sharpie also needed for this application of the bowling pin)
-good for testing gravity

...and these are just a few things i can figure off the top of my head. try making your own list of interesting things bowling pins are good for...you'll be surprised!!!!!

link of the day + game!!!

blog from a soldier in iraq, except this guy is pretty well read. good stuff.
link

kickass game of the day bbc style link

thank you so much

sycz -

I wanted to thank you so so much for monopolizing my entire day (the part not spent drinking coffee, smoking or reading fark) by sharing with me your access to the audio archives of the coast to coast radio program. though i will certainly devote more hours (and by hours i mean entire nights follwed by red-eyed mornings) listening to art bell and george noory and their frequently odd and semi-quixotic guest talk about the fringe of reality, (and by reality i mean the stuff we actually think is true... like giants) i wish that there was a way that i could do the whole thing at once.

unfortunately i have to drive to pasadena now and spend time with real life people eating non-organic and super fatty foods. the redwines have invited me up to see them while they are in town and i must heed the call. but when i get back i am going to listen to the totality of the july 28th 2004 show... you should as well.

wish me luck among the fringe shadow cars lurking on the evil 605 freeway

farewell

Touched by the Angels

I sat in the middle of hwy 90 and watched blue planes loudly fly over my head. it sounded like they were ripping the sky in two. they blew smoke out their butts and twisted around, upside down. it was neat. blue angels. seafair 2004. it made me confident that with these machines we can kick anybody's ass in the world and make them go deaf at the same time.
hung out with b. he's almost philly-bound. i will miss him. it will be cool though, because trev and i will be able to see him a decent amount when we move to nyc.
i am going to go play horse. i am better than you are. so stick it, foo'!

A quick note...

I had a dream last night that all of our friends and us were in Montana. There was partying and dancing. Poppo was there. I tried to get everyone to ride horses to Yellowstone, but nobody would have it. I then went to some western/ Native American art store and they were selling Singapore Men.

Anyone else have any fun dreams?

Jesse

My back is sore...

I started jump roping a few days a go. I did not realize how much jump roping will hurt one's back. Gosh dang, my back is really sore this mid-morning. I don't even really care if I have a sexy looking back or not. Really, the only thing that is worth working on are the abs. If you have healthy potent abs, you're good to go. Pecks are a close second. Pecks and abs, a cup of coffee and Jeff Buckley covering Sweet Thing is all I need. Two out of four isn't too bad.

Robyn illegally downloaded Audrey Hepburn singing Moon River. It is so very good.

I'm going to the Dodger game toninght. It should be fun. It always is.

I drove Boyz to Men to the House of Blues last night. They were all very nice, though they couldn't stop beat boxing and harmonizing. Honestly- everything from the Motel Six jingly (complete with Tom Bodet impressions) to Everly Brothers' to simple, normal conversations. They handed out roses during their big hit that sounds like a Seal song. Diana Ross was there, big hair and all. It was good.

Pray for my Grandma.

Hugs and Kisses.

Jesse

I am late

I realize I might be late on this. For the first time, perhaps, I realize the genius of Tom Waits.

We share a dinner with Peter and Alison. As the evening winds down, the Itunes brings us to Closing Time. Three tracks in, they leave; Amanda reads in bed; I stay up with a bottle of whiskey and actually listen to the lyrics for the first time.

His musicians run circles around him. It doesn't take a genius to notice the complex patterns the drummer brushes around his clunky chords; the tasteful blues notes of the guitar slinking their way beneath the clinky plinked piano. He is not a vituoso. In fact, he can barely play.

I remember reading somewhere, or perhaps hearing firsthand, I can't remember, that Tom Waits used to know someone in Whittier, an old college buddy. He'd visit late at night, before he'd recorded anything professionally, and he'd tap out tunes on the friend's piano, early into the morning. He was horrible, and he kept the neighbors up. There were complaints, threats to call the police if the behavior conitnued.

I had never really listened to a Tom Waits song before tonight. I had never noticed the hearbreaking sincerity wound between the deceptively simple melodies and themes. Heartbreak can only carry a song so far, and it becomes easy to write a melody off for being recognizable. The lyrics are not groundbreaking. They do not express anything that Cole Porter never thought of. They are absurd, but they carry something more than true in their artifice. Tom Waites has made a career out of creating a character, a disheveled ballader, a ner'do well whiskey hound, a hobo with a penchant for Joyce and Brecht. His songs do not mean anything, and yet, they mean exactly everything.

I don't know how to adequately communicate exaclty what it was that I discovered tonight. Perhaps it's that his songs seem to be lacking something; they seem tired and cliche, but retain something so startling and urgent that they demand your fullest attention and loyalty. You want to believe him, though you know he is chasing something impossible. He represents something lost, a Tin Pan Alley nightmare skating on thin ice. But I am right there, waiting to hear what he will say next. And no matter how inevitable it may seem, the next line always seems perfect, fitting, the only phrase that could have ever worked.

It's strange how small perfections can slip your notice, when you are too busy looking for something profound.

Rain, viking hat on my head, and...

...caffeine free diet coke. I am in renton, washington. east side. (what, what). I am in trevor's big a-word house. I ate a big bowl of chili about hour ago so i'm excited to see how that mother's gonna work itself out. i'll give a full report. it's the 6th today, which means that yesterday at 5:29 p.m. eastern standard time I turned 24 years old. It's the same as before, just now it's officially another year of slacking my life away. I bought some gillete razors today. a 4 pack. big decision whether or not to purchase the 2-blade or 3-blade model. i went for the 2er. i'm frugal you know (at least that's what all the hot ladies say).
in case you're wondering, whivh i know you are...yes I am wearing a viking helmet with horns on it. i rather enjoy wearing it, so back the heck up, holmes. get off my game.
trev and i are to meet up in a joyous reunion with brent tonight.
what do you call those hand-gripper, strengthening metal exercise things? I'm playing with one now. it kicks a-word.
i rode a stationary bike today. it was amazing. it was like a bike, but was in a house and didn't go anywhere! it just stayed in the same place. i've never seen anything like it. and hope to never again. it frightened me. someone must have conjure a spirit and cast it into that thing.
Question:back alley, bare knuckle brawl. who wins, Glue Stick or White Out? My money's on White
OUT!

p.s. i know this is dude of me, but i'm mirroring this on my site. i'm too lazy to thing of other not-quite-witty things to write about. so L and Z word you!

back to work

hey, got my ass up at 530 this morning to work with my dad. he's building a house right on the water on the south end of camano island, which is right next to stanwood. just finished the foundation. i'm tired now. going to the conway tavern tonight. katie and i played online chess yesterday and she beat me like always, she's probably smarter than me. she also just called so peace...b

Back in Whittier...

I'm always not home this time of year. It feels more at home to be not at home July-mid Sept. I have been in Ventura painting for money. I'll be going to Seattle in a couple weeks. Gone for the b-party weekend. Hawaii in Sept.

Pray for my Grandma. It looks like lung cancer. Not suprised, just sad.

I'm listening to Marty Robbins, about to finish the Great Dictator, and will see Jerry Stahl read some later tonight. The Dodgers are 4-1 since the trades.

Jesse

from stanwood

hello, all. i'm writing this from the cloudy stanwood washington. dmh and i drove up here monday, it was a flawless performance, 19 hours of bliss. i dropped dmh off at the mall with trevor and then made it up to stanhood by 130 am. it's strange to be here this time, but i'm excited to be heading east next week. i did some research on something i'd always wondered about and found this very interesting. the land in northern california around redding is considered by some to be the 51st state, jefferson state. it's fascinating really; they have a website.look! i don't know if that link worked or not. basically these folks got screwed by salem and sacramento and are pissed. the stanwood camano fair is this weekend and the headlining act is starship, whose hit you might remember is "we built this city". i might be busy, however, and i'm not sure i'll make it. or if i do i'll be preoccupied with the livestock i'm sure. pigs are awesome. so is bisquits and gravy which three gas stations on our road trip were advertising specials on. can't think of anything that goes better with ten gallons of fuel, a pack of cigarettes and a dirty restroom. ciao.

my last few weeks outlined

Preface: So in case I am not doing this correctly, this is andrew, not jesse. andrew hamilton, not jesse gloyd. jesse knows how to set up blogs and give clear directions to his friends so that they may join him on his blog. i, andrew, do not know how to set up a blog or post things in my own name.

In case I am doing this correctly, disregard everything I just said.

I. Moving

A. Moving is a strange experience, as I am sure you all can attest. For those of you who have seen the new house, which I believe is the majority of you, rest assured that the house is well in order. Plants are growing, trash is being emptied, life carries on. I have not written a creative word in nearly two months, a cause of much shame and shit upon my head. I am however counting thevirtualporch as creative writing, which should lift any residual shit or shame from my head.

II. Work

Work was going really well. I felt like I was getting the hang of it. I felt like I was begining to gain the respect of my superiors and coworkers. I felt that perhaps fundraising work wasn't so bad. After all, it is a noble and good thing to do one's task with honor, to not waste time by looking up news events and current politcal debates on the Internet. If the Good Lord has given one a job, the least one can do is learn to ignore the cursory boredom and seek to do it well. And so I did. Until last night.

Amanda and I spent last night with our good friends Peter and Alison, parents of our godson Maclane Finnegan, and all around good people. I like Peter and Alison quite a bit. They are creative, well read, fine cooks, respectable drinkers, commited smoker (peter), and sincere and loyal friends. They also hate to hold steady jobs, and seem to relish just barely making ends meet. which in its own way carries a certin amount of respectability with it. After all, I would love to stay home and play with a kid and make art, or read, or, or, well, whatever it is you do when you don't have a full time job. Anyway, just being around them reminded me how much I have ignored how much I resent wearing a shirt and tie everyday, and getting up at 7 fucking o'clock in the morning, and wallowing in front of crazy people for what seems like a measly paycheck but is actually quite good but it's amazing how fast you can burn money no matter the amount when you don't understand the fundamentals of sound finance. it's a catch-22, in the purest sense. I want to stay home. I need money. I don't mind my job, but I hate my job, but what else am I going to do between 8 and 5, but i have debts to pay, but i need to be doing something that reinforces my romantic notion of myself as a WRITER, i.e. i need to be in college and stay up till 9am drinking wine in cowboy hats.

Now of course I don't want to be drinking wine in cowboy hats.

The evening tipped the scales, that's all. And today at work the slightest little thing, I can't even remember what it was now, sent me on an internal rampage, and a passive campaign of telling all of my co-workers that I was quitting.

The moral: 8-5 jobs suck. They pay the bills. They suck the life out of you. I have no one to blame for my lack of creativity but myself. History is soaked with writers who wrote while they worked day jobs. They had what the French call "dedication" and "tenacity." Two qualities that I am severly lacking.

It's not that I hate my job as much as I resent having to pretend to be interested in something that I could not care less about. But, there is that paycheck...

III. Kentucky

Amanda and I went to visit her grandparents' farm in Kentucky two weeks ago, which has proven to be a formative experience. I gained ten pounds in five days by eating meals comprised primarily opf gravy, fried cornmeal, and assorted boiled vegetables, I learned to shoot a gun. I killed birds with said gun. Said gun was a motherfucking shotgun. I met some of the most solid and remarkable men I have ever had the privilege of coming into contact with.

I won't go into terrible detail, as I am planning to give a painfully detailed account of our trip in my next post. But I will say that Kentucky is not a different state, it is a completely different country; much like England in that they speak an English that has little remeblance to the language you and I speak. Exhibit A: Cousin Mary Lynn, pronounced "Merlin." Also witness turkey fans, throats, and feet nailed to the side of a hunting cabin, and bumper stickers reading "I brake for animals. I eat them and wear their skins," and "I don't brake for liberals, gays, and anti-gunners." Also witness a sense of family and place like you would not believe, along with a profound sense of satisfaction with one's life and vocation. I hope your appetites are sufficiently whetted.

IV. Reccomendations

A. Zadie Smith's forward in The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2003
B. Don Delillo's Libra, but only after you watch JFK
C. The Thinking Fellow's Union Local 282 -- think sonic youth meets a travelling yiddish carnival, and you might be close.
D. Not buying Charles Shaw and springing for the extra $1.50 on a nicer bottle of wine.
E. Not using Wal Mart to develop your film, or as a source for anything in particular.

V. Bed

A. I am going to bed.

Funny

Funny

here's my title

I'm a lazy ass and didn't research HTML myself. The genious Matt O'Brien is teaching me some principles. Here's the dry run.
Check out this site for the onion. Also, Here's my
AHSUM car

écoutez les baiseurs de musique

so here's some super sweet 60's french pop music. there's no downloads here, but there's plenty of streaming music that you can check out and find out what you like. that way you can track down the stuff you want later. i've been rocking a couple of this playlists tonight and they are tre' magnific.

in an unrelated note, click this here for an update on the prayer request