this made me laugh out loud

from the great www.deadspin.com site:

"When I was in middle school, I spent a few weeks in New York for the summer. My mom’s best friend’s husband was a coach on the Yankees. His son and I were friends and we got to spend the day at Yankee Stadium. While I did meet Donnie Baseball, this story is not about him (although it occured on the day he got in trouble for growing his mullet too long). It is about Steve Sax. While hanging out in the club house, Sax kept calling my friend over. “Little Man, come here.” The players next to him were cracking up the whole time. My friend seemed embarassed. Then I noticed the joke. Sax is sitting in his chair with his manhood sticking out of his pants. Apparently my friends uncomfortableness with nudity was a running joke (you gotta remember he was 12). Anyway, spending a week in New York, hanging out at Yankee Stadium, and the thing I remember most is Steve Sax’s hammer. To this day, I’m not sure if it’s really funny, or highly disturbing."

it's both.

Alright, here it comes...

Now last year we had a bit of a mess after our New Year's party. We've made some adjustments in our philosophy to help accomodate people's drunken tom-foolery. #1. No Peanut M&Ms. #2. We got rid of our carpet. No carpet, no problems.

SATURDAY NIGHT DECEMBER 31ST-
Ringing in '06 with some drunk-ass chicks!
La Casa de Correa
We'll kick it off @ 7'ish

Bring yourself, some alcohol and either an appetizer or a dessert item.
Everyone's invited and we are encouraging some musical instruments if you're so inclined. There will be an open mic, a tuned piano, guitar, mini-drums, fretless "Bitchin" Carvin bass and a tambourine. Xio... it's that time of year.
All are welcome to stay the night if you like. We will be providing blankets and hard-wood floors.

That pretty much sums it up. Let's have as much fun as a guy getting kicked in the nuts!

Christmas Sweater Party CANCELLED

Sorry to bring the bad news, but the bad sweater Christmas party is being cancelled. I'm having surgery on Thursday the 15th and won't be up and running around by Saturday. So they tell me at least.

Heavy Petting Zoo

Jen Sycz is having a birthday extravaganza this Saturday the 3rd. She would like all of you to come and celebrate with her. Why should you go?

From 6pm - 8pm a petting zoo company will be available for all of us to enjoy. Among the normal farm animals that will be there, there will most likely be an appearance from a camel and even a kangaroo. Let me say this again. A fucking kangaroo will be there for you to pet. Oh, by the way, there will also be beer.

The Place:
1672 Bodie Ave
Simi Valley

Any Questions? Call me fool.

Contest

Whoever can read every single word of this and write a 1 page paper about it by the end of the week.... I'll buy you lunch.

and yet another christmas party

so it's that time of the year again. i sent out an evite, so if you didn't get it it's because i don't have your email address. So leave Darren, what is yours? Matt B - for some reason everytime i get yours I lose it, so what is yours?
Anyways, the party is on Sat Dec 17th. You gotta wear the best "worst" xmas sweater to it. or something like that. so pimp it out y'all.

Tom Waits reviews...

Inaugural Post or: It's a Party!

It's truly an honor to join the virtual porch, and I hope to live up to the history and tradition that is the porch. That said, I would like to extend an invite to y'all for the Christmas party I'm hosting at my house in La Mirada. I already sent out an invite on MySpace, but to those who may not be in the Myspace zone yet, here goes. It's gonna be a Christmas party, but it'll be themed a la ABC's LOST, so here are the details:

• Saturday, December 10, 7pm.
  16105 Barbata Road
  La Mirada, 90638
  
• Food will be served, likely some fire-roasted pork, sushi, and tropical fruits.
  
• All alcohol will be hard liquor, and will be served in individual serving size bottles.
  
• Set (the house) will be transformed into the many locales of the series, including:
  the Beach (with real airplane debris/paraphernalia!)
  The Jungle (can you hear The Others?)
  The Caves (is that where Jack and Kate go to get their groove on?)
  The Golf Course (low par wins)
  The Hatch (sing your own kind of music, and be sure to push the button every 108 minutes).
  
• Party will go from 7pm till whenever. I look forward to seeing as many of you as can make it. It's gonna be sick! Feel free to invite friends and significant others.

Until then, I leave you with a glorious picture of Walker, Texas Ranger

RIP

Let's celebrate a life

Happy Bush

not killed by a baby in their van

sorry andy

so just to clarify, andy thought that our friends, formerly known as 'the sheep', had an accident and hit a baby with their van. he tought that the band died, their van got totalled and the baby lived without a scratch. turns out he was off by just a little.

i can't find any info about it anywhere online, but it only happened last week. you'll have to take my word on it at this point. the colour have signed a six record deal with EMI and will be recording their full-length in Nashville starting in January. I don't have any details on what imprint they will be on in the EMI family, and it's a prety big list (included in comments). i'm sure it's going to be one of the better known imprints, cause that's a pretty fat deal. anyway, that's all i know at this point, just wanted to pass along the info.

a great day indead

Today I reallized I shared birdays with Bjork, Bjorn and Ken Griffey Jr.
So Today's my big day. 26 a whole year older. its amazing what one day on the calandar does, it changes my label. I am no longer stuffed in with all the other 25 year olds, because of this day I am taken out of that group and placed in the 26 year old group. Kinda cool. Kinda fun. new grouping, I have a new grouping! I am 26 today, and I am still at work today... so I will continue to work and work hard, because I want to live to be a happy 27.

should you choose to accept it...

your mission

Free Concert: Ozomatli & Zach de la Rocha

Check it out....

Concert to Save the Community Farm
Featuring Zach de la Rocha, members of Ozomatli, Son de Madera and Queztal

When:
Tuesday, November 22nd, 8:30pm

Where:
At the South Central Farm

Directions:
The corner of 41st St. and Long Beach Ave.
From Downtown LA, 110 South, exit Vernon Ave, left on Vernon (go east), make a left after the Metro Blue Line tracks
on Long Beach Ave. The 14-acre community farm in on the right hand side.

Or take the Metro Blue Line to the Vernon stop and walk 4-5 blocks north on Long Beach Ave.

Parking:
Park on the street, red zone parking in exempt. Trust me. Just park like everyone else.

Contact:
Fernando Flores, SCF Representative
(909) 605-3136 cell
http://www.southcentralfarmers.com

I know it's free, but bring some cash to hook up for donation. No one will be turned away for lack of funds.

so...

what's everybody doing tonight? if it's nothing give me a call.

I Can Die Happy

The best solo move in music history!

Lunch

So I'm at lunch today. Eating a delicious cheese burger from a local joint right up the street from work. Enjoying the sunny weather... And quite in the sunny mood. Last night I purchased and had a car stereo installed into my Honda civic, as many of you know I have been living without my stereo since it got stolen about 4 months ago. Its been a difficult 4 months of silence slowly turning into audibly commenting on other drivers, turning into talking nonsense and going crazy. Lots of rhyming words, lots of humming. Anyways, not to worry, I am back to enjoying music in my vehicle.
so that brings us to lunch today. I am sitting in my car enjoying the sunny whether and eating lunch in the parking lot of a beautiful park... Just taking it all in with some background music, when an SUV swings up and two guys get out... They approach me and tell me they are stereo installers and were mistakenly given extra speakers from the warehouse. If they don't make money on it their manager will, one fellow flashes me this magazine which shows the speakers value, HDTV magazine, showing these exact speakers for 1500. Dollars. I tell them.
"Wow, that's one hell of a deal, but I don't need any"
They say:
"dude I can give it to you for cheap"
I say
'ok brothers, how much'
they say:
400 each
I say:
that's silly and goodbye
they say:
Well how much do you got
I say:
All I got is 100 dollars and I am not going to be buying any speakers. But good luck with selling those.
They say:
Good bye
I say:
bye
They leave and I continue eating my cheese burger. Delicious. It is still sunny and nice and I continue staring at my new stereo.
They come back. Say,
we don't have time to sell to anyone else, we got to go install the rest of these, you got the 100 dollars
I say:
shit, let me take a look at the speakers...
their big and quite impressive. Their really nice looking. I say:
How do I know they aren't 'hot'?
they show me the invoice, and sure enough they've got an invoice saying that they got 4 speakers, leaving them with two unaccounted for speakers.
I say alright, lets do it. We make the exchange, and as quickly as it started its ended. I head back to the office, kinda excited, kinda nervous. Look up the name that's on the owners manual, Dahlton, and quickly find out that I have been scammed. It hurts, deep in the gut, it hurts. Their called white van speakers scams, and they've gotten people all around the US for 10 years. They say that the speakers are only worth about 50 dollars each, but that would mean my guys didn't make any money, so I am kinda doubting mine work at all. well at least it was only 100 dollars. and so that was lunch today, I find myself 100 dollars short and a couple of bum speakers in my car, but the cheese burger was delicious and I still got my car stereo... good day.

Arrested Development News...

EXTRA! EXTRA!

Some People Won't Think This Is Funny

Or perhaps even worth watching. I, however, quite enjoy it. Witness the Jew of Silver.

Question

by the way, how was camping? any good stories? any stories at all?

and, goodnight.

Santa Claus is coming to town..

And so is Brent. Its going to be one hell of a new years bash this year friends.

Pay Special Attention to "Ken."

I don't know who did/didn't see this aleady, but please do. It's really, really f-ng funny.

Saturday Night Potter

harry potter + let's hear it for the boy + michael jackson + I need a hero = funny

please watch harry potter and the hogwart's dance team

p.s. make sure to watch for Drew's Draco cameo.

Hey Kids

...from the German-occupied territory of 1942. Things are alright here. I've been busy with language lessons. It sounds like I'm missing out on some stuff in SoCal. Like Camping. On the otherhand I'm benefiting from the terrific music scene here which wholeheartedly adopts all american pop. You guys are missing out on hits from the early decade such as NSYNC, BSB, and Rob Williams (who I guess is British). I have an alcoholic host-mother who insists that I call her mom any time she is drunk (I shouldn't make try jokes about her though). Place no bets on me to be the next married; I have a no-dating-the-locals policy and the Peace Corps girls are for the most part boring. Forgive me for the pessimistic tone, I just finished Ada, or Adora by Nabokov-an incestual story that bored me to tears. On a lighter note, next summer a few of us are contemplating a trip to Poland. We've come up with a tentative title-National Lampoon's Auschwitz Vacation. Chevy Chase is coming with us.

ADHD Sing-Along

Man I wish I had this video when I was working with ADHD kids.

caution:funny

He Can Be All Wrong Part of the Time, Part Wrong All of the Time, but Even He Can't be All Wrong All of the Time

On a whim I looked it up on dictionary.com

bold-faced
adj.
1. Impudent; brazen: a bold-faced lie.
2. Printed in thick, heavy type.

AND

bald-faced
adj.
1. Brash; undisguised: a bald-faced lie.
2. Zoology. Having a white face or face markings

Ladies and gentleman, believe it or not, they are both right!

Everyone owes Andy an apology. (That is, if you aren't too hooled up to get out and see him)

Camping Fun!!

Camping info:

Site changed to Leo Carillo State Park. Malibu Creek didn't allow fires and was a long way from the beach, it did look cool though, but we'd be freezing our asses off at night.

Cost: $10 per person

We've got two sites and one car is aloud on each. Extra cars will probably be charged $10, so car pool or pay.

Bring a board, bring your hiking shoes, bring a pipe, and a good sturdy firm rod.

For those who will be fishing, I figure we can stop at a place along the coast for a one day license. Check in is 2:00 pm Friday.

this friday night

i know most will be camping. we plan on being out in malibu saturday night ourselves to join in the festivities of the camping. but if anyone is not camping friday night, feel free to drop by the Well on argyle jsut north of sunset. there's a little shindig going down to celebrate holly hardison leaving town and moving back to texas. i know dan woul dbe there if he could make it. so that's that.

in other news.... it's been a while since i've seen anyone. travis- sorry i haven't emailed you. you can trash me all you want. dan- what's new? give me a call. drew- haven't talked to you since the good ol wedding day. buses and apple pie. what a combo. to everyone else, i hope to see you at some point this weekend. this month celebrates my three years anniversary of living and working in LA, at least working a real job. I step back and wonder what has been accomplished in these three years. In the personal realm, a lot has, but it's hard to see work wise. It's about this time each year that i think about what the f$%k I'm doing and whether or not to completely change directions. more school? new town? new career path? and I can never tell on eway or the other. I'm torn between wanting to be in the middle of it all and wanting to just be. it makes my head spin and now i just want to go read useless bits of information on the internet. peace out brothers.

I wanna dance around your sombrero, uh huh, that's right

Want some good laughs, check out some brown poetry. It will blow your wad. I know I don't post...well...at all, but when I came across this website, I knew it was made for the Virtual Porch, that's right. Mmm.

I'm talking about poetry, I'm talking about music, I'm talking about love.

Also..

..make sure to support Darren as a foreign talk show host

FOE SHOW

Come support Jesse, Annie B, Timmy Curran, and The Red West tonight at Lestats in San Diego. The show is 5 bucks and starts at 9. The address is on the foe records site: www.foerecords.com

should we sell now?

My blog is worth $2,822.70.
How much is your blog worth?

Delaware

The other day I was subbing for and english class at Santa Fe High School. I engaged the class in a game of hangman, the answer of course being Delaware. Unfortunately not one soul in the class knew this is a state in our nation. Sure, some of the kids barely spoke english...but come on

iPoop

my computer stopped reading my ipod today. I'm not sure why. it just kept saying, "please revert to factory settings." I reverted and now I'm sad. factory settings suck.

I Miss Me Too

But thankfully, I have a new blog to keep me company -
Names of Whales.

Stop by, say hello!

I Still Miss Drew

I was looking through some old pictures yesterday and got myself feelin' real nostalgic and all.

I just wanted to give a shout out to one of the most genuine, inteligent, funny, and kind men I've ever met. Here's to Drew. You can hit me in the face anytime.

Los Angeles

I like listening to my ipod on shuffle. I was driving on Wilshire and turned left onto La Cienega just as "La Cienega Just Smiled" by Ryan Adams came on.

What are your favorite Los Angeles songs?

I'll nominate the previously mentioned one and Randy Newman's classic, "I Love LA." I like that one by the Decemberists. I think it's just called "Los Angeles."