Narnia

Mr. Pibb and Red Vines equals crazy delicious.

So this is the New Year...

We are so pleased to be hosting our second annual New Year's bash. Here's the deal, we have an extreme number of people this year so we need to cover our bases early as no one will be able to drive and get more items after about 45 minutes into the party. Here's the list... for all you couples out there, please bring either an appetizer or a dessert and a drink.* Single people, the couples are feeding you. Just bring some drink. This shin-dig kicks off at 7:30 and we will have a bounce house, petting zoo and clowns. Also it's themed, so please dress up like you're from 2006.






*A drink means either a bottle of liquor with it's appropriate chaser, if it has one, or a 12 pack of beer.

12.29.2005

How hard do I rock? Very.

12.27.2005

How hard does Kong rule? Very.

To Mr. Portugues

Bethancourt, seeing that you're married and that trafficking laws are becoming more stricked here, I couldn't get you an exotic easter european gift. But I have gotten you a $50 gift certificate to broaden your collection of nick-nacks.

happy christmas

i've decided that for right now "a hard rain's a gonna fall" is my favorite dylan song. i hope that sits alright with everybody. i'm up here in stanwood for a lovely christmas (i hope everybody had a blessed one) and gearing up for my trip to the southland. i get in friday night and am staying for a few days, so everybody put your best face forward. the seahawks are heading straight for the superbowl and i've realized just in time to get on board. i think that as long as you publicly proclaim your allegiance to a team before the post-season your can be classified as a true fan. it worked with the eagles last year and i'll be a monkey's great uncle if i'm gonna let my hometown team lose it in the playoffs without me! let's just remember that a certain high school flame of mine is currently a seagal if anybody needs any corroborating evidence. i still can't watch batman returns without a little pinch of regret. then again it's hard to watch any movie or really do anything nowadays without the possibility of that happening. now then, it has been a good year. i am happy to say that i'm moving up the world. i recently got news that i'll be changing posts at Freeman's, becoming a cataloguer/deparment assistant to english & continental furniture and dec arts dept with the goal of learning as much as possible in the next year or so in order to move into general appraisals. i'll also be able to take classes and that sort of thing, as well as have my neon light sale (lookup artkraft strauss sign co.) in may. all very good things. it also means more trips to nyc this next year, which prompts a sidenote: around 9 difficult but charming months ago i believe i announced from this great mountaintop that nyc was the new garbage day (a lot of noise and always leaving something behind). let's put this in perspective. the night before that i had survived three or four damaging arguments with my then girlfriend only to get kicked out of her apt in brooklyn at 2 am. i still made it to my appointment on time (look up artkraft strauss sign co.) only to find my colleague failed to show up because of the impending blizzard (neurosis), which was the whole reason i was in nyc that weekend anyway, which begs the question could it all have been avoided? the ipod battery died shortly thereafter and i was stuck on a long too quiet trainride back to my adopted city, short a girlfriend and a great deal of dignity (ain't life a bitch). back to the point then. i've been through a great deal in nyc of late (there's another little story about new year's eve and wilco and champange/gin which i will leave out) at any rate i have since rekindled my infatuation with said great city of the world. in october i had a pleasurable ride on the forbes yacht around new york harbor, a stranger in a strange land, drinking wine, smoking cigars looking at the fair city in a different light. it's probably not the city's fault! but i'm not sure who to blame. i must leave something to think about for this next year.

now then, i recommend watching steve mcqueen movies: the great inferno(right title?) bullit, etc.. also "don't look now" for anyone who hasn't seen it. i mean it.

christmas eve someone i know was given lincoln logs as a gift. AMAZING!

my nephew jonathon is now 18 months old and has quite an attitude. he owns the place. i also have the pleasure of announcing that the hagglunds (sister and brother-in-law) are expecting again with a date set for the 4th of july. very exciting! sidenote: there was a time when i was ashamed to use exclamation points in the body of anything i was writing. not anymore!!

anybody read any good books lately?

i am also happy to welcome emily and micah to my home away from home. they arrived a few weeks ago in good condition. i believe they have found an apt in west philadelphia, which is a good, recently come-up neighborhood around the colleges, and i believe very accesible to me, i am glad to have them on my side of the scene.

also, the new drink is sho chu. my japanese friend June (the husband to Michele whom i work with) has the stuff imported from his family. it's a working class japanese drink to be enjoyed over ice. be careful, it's a little like whiskey but you just wouldn't think so. i enjoyed a little bit of pain the other day because of it.

i am looking forward to the time i'll spend with you and to a great party saturday night. we shall be the firecrackers! i have now run out of steam. i must go anyway, i'm gonna go shoot guns with sheriff ben my brother-in-law. everybody relax who can and i'll see yal soon

love -brent

Look Out

All you Flickr users, if you're not careful someone will steal your photos and make a music video as hilarious as this one.

p.s. it takes a while to load, but it is totally worth it (if at least for dwyer rocking out on air guitar)

secret gloyda

so, gloyd's the guy i drew out of the secret santa hat. it's taken a bit for me to figure out what to get for the guy who has so many wonderful things in his life. eventually i somehow remembered a comment he made a little while ago, prehaps it was last new years or so. he was talking about how much he hated the devil, but i think he was a couple six packs into a two day drunk. we all knew what he ment when he said, "i wanna f#%$ the devil with my big dick!"

it sounded weird at the time, but so do lots of things that come out of jesse's mouth. anyway i got to thinking about it, and i though i would whip up a little homage to jesse. it's actually something that you can re-gift to the devil himself jesse, so remember i made it with that in mind.

oh yeah... i almost forgot, while i was shopping for jesse, i found something perfect for keith. i thought you would like this quite a bit.

Santa Claus, Florence Henderson, and the Dan Band Wish You A Merry Motherfucking Christmas

Watch the video here

"I want to fill your stocking with my candy cane of joy," may be the best thing I've heard all season.

MERRY HARRY POTTER WEED-MAS!!!

+


=

HOOT! HOOT! Cheech the Doobie Owl

Merry Christmas, Big Boys

Love,
Santa

Merry Smoke Mas

To Alan and All

I say alan because he had the surgery...
I say to all Merry Christmas. Now back to perfecting my
fantasy football lineup for the championship weekend.
Alan...still would love to talk about what we have talked about before
feel better

Merry Christmas to The Porch! Again!

And so, before we make our way down to your happy, sunkissed land, A. and I would like to offer the reisdents of the virtual porch this tiny token of good will and cheer:



May your days be merry and bright. And may all your Christmases be spent with our dear, dear Uncle Carlo!



Uncle Carlo, Ph.d, as it turns out. Who would have thought?

It will be our secret...

to keith, merry christmas

keith, i hereby give you these two amazing guitars for chirstmas. since i built them myself, i was able to keep the price under 50 bones. the gun guitar is actually a real gun as well, so when someone tells you to 'knock em dead' with a mean lick... you really can. i found the skull bones in Iraq last week, so they're pretty fresh.

Merry Christmas Alan

Allen Goss...


Merry Christmas my friend, to my secret givee...

firstI give you this kick ass bike (including Matthew Perry who appears to be having his way with the bike)





and Second I would like to give you this kick ass picture of or bono... Exposing his musical genious.













ps... feel better

Merry Brokeback!

Merry "Christmas"?

Let me introduce you to the Madonna of the Myrrh.

Myrrh, of course, was one of the gifts presented by one of the so-called "Wise" Men, or "Magi." "Magi," of course, is short for "Magician." There is some weird shit going on in this Christmas story of ours.

Perhaps, until we have a better idea of what exactly we're celebrating, it would be best to wish people "Happy Holidays." Just a thought.

Bonnes fêtes, porcs de capitialist...

Happy Birthday You Dirty SOB

cobb
Originally uploaded by jessegloyd.

It's a shame that he was born so close to our LAS (Lord and Savior). Watch out mangers around the world cuz Tyrus' done gone and sharpened the spikes on his frankincense!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!
Originally uploaded by jessegloyd.

Robyn, Sadie, and I would like to wish everyone a very merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to The Porch

In this joyous time of year, let us not forget the less fortunate among us; namely, those sects (I prefer to call them cults) within our fair religion of Christianity that do not allow the consumption of alcohol. Remember, Christmas season might be fun for the rest of us normal folk, but these sad saps don't have much to live for. So, the next time you sample a bottle of wassail, remember the poor, destitute sober Christians in the world, and say a little prayer.

Merry Christmas!

my friends

my friends, tomorrow i will go under the knife and scapel for hernia surgery... which means i will be holed up at home for a few days. if anyone wants to call and chat... please do. if anything happens in the outside world... please let me know. i'm sure i will post some random meaningless comments as i sit in bed high on codine or something. hmm... large amounts of painkillers? two days off work? lots of netflix? this might not be so bad....

travels

Travels to the Dominican Republic. I am enjoying my first trip to the Caribbean. I have been in the DR for only two days and will be leaving back to the US Tomorrow. Objective is simply, to acquaint myself with the nationals and get an idea of what it might mean to bring some teams down here. The culture is unique. Theres an interesting aggressiveness which plays itself out on the roads, and in the supermarkets, very little regard for rules or structure... go when you want to go... and yet there also seems to be a prevailing laid back culture, also typical for developing countries. Men chill, play dominos all day in front of their brightly colorful homes. laid back can also be perceived as laziness which feeds into the third world or developing mentality. Kids play stick ball on every corner. Baseball is huge down here... almost inbred, rules change, the game gets a bit deformed, but the heart remains the same... pitch, hit, and run. I hear them right now, in an ally no bigger than 5 feet wide there are bunches of kids squeezed in taking their turn in a remarkablyorganized game.

shhhh... I'm a secret, hohoho...I'm a santa

Michael Sycz , I give you a gandhi to cuddle.

and for anyone who would like their own, www.lazyboneuk.com/store/pro124.html

Christmas Has Nuclear Weapons

Actual CNN transcript:

SAM SEDER [Host of Air America's Majority Report]: Listen, as far as the war on Christmas goes, I feel like we should be waging a war on Christmas. I mean, I believe that Christmas, it's almost proven that Christmas has nuclear weapons, can be an imminent threat to this country, that they have operative ties with terrorists and I believe that we should sacrifice thousands of American lives in pursuit of this war on Christmas. And hundreds of billions of dollars of taxpayer money.
PHILLIPS [CNN Talking Head]: Is it a war on Christmas, a war on Christians, a war on over-political correctness or just a lot of people with way too much time on their hands?

SEDER: I would say probably, if I was to be serious about it, too much time on their hands, but I'd like to get back to the operational ties between Santa Claus and al Qaeda.

PHILLIPS: I don't think that exists. Bob? Help me out here.

SEDER: We have intelligence, we have intelligence.

PHILLIPS: You have intel. Where exactly does your intel come from?

SEDER: Well, we have tortured an elf and it's actually how we got the same information from Al Libbi. It's exactly the same way the Bush administration got this info about the operational ties between al Qaeda and Saddam.

BOB KNIGHT, CULTURE AND FAMILY INSTITUTE: Well, first I want to compliment him on his dry humor, but this is actually a very serious subject, because a lot of people are waking up to realize that the war on Christmas is really the culmination of a war on faith.

And we'd like to compliment you, Bob Knight, for dry humping this stupid issue to death.

via www.freewilliamsburg.com

Secret Santa For Dan Part 2!

Something Funny
Originally uploaded by jessegloyd.

Need more than just a Druid for a good party say YE?!

I think Santa's been berry berry good to Dan!

Secret Santa For Dan Part 1!

A Druid
Originally uploaded by jessegloyd.

Dan, I love you, so I'm letting you have this man. Nay! He be not man, but a DRUID!

Enter Spielberg/Kubrick

This robot is insane. and you thought my brother could, "do the robot." Ever seen a robot run?

He likes Beer. He likes the Dodgers.

So Drew gets two gifts featuring both.

#1

A can of official 1960 Dodger Lager from the Maier Brewing Company in Los Angeles, California.

#2
My promise to attend a Dogers/Giants game and drink beer with above Dodgers/Beer fan, and, after an undisclosed ammount of beer, pelt Giant fans with beer and/or cheese.

Merry Christmas sweet prince!

sorry i haven't really been around lately guys. i've been pretty busy/exhausted from working. i have to be there at 5am sat-wed, so i've been pretty out of it for the last couple of weeks trying to adjust to my new and not-so-improved sleep schedule. all that to say, this job sucks, but at least it's a job, and everything will be be better post-christmas when my status as a member of the garden team doesn't mean that i am stuck carrying chrismas trees around for idiots all day. i'm beginning to think the slogan should be changed from "you can do it. we can help" to something more along to the lines of, "matt can do it, we'll all watch."

anyway, thank you jayson for the wonderful gift. i've always wanted a tabacco filled vacation with a long dead celeb. i think it will be awesome. maybe since his eyes will be long gone, i could sneek up on him, steal his passport, and become the captain of his boat. that would be fun. i would wear my captain's hat.

if any of you guys are subbing in whittier this week, give me a call when you get off work. i am home just after 2pm. you could stop by for some hang out time or something. that would be great.

anyway, it's after 8pm now, im late for bed.

Secret Santana

My gift is for none other than our founding father of Santa's Secrets, Mr. O'Brien. In honor of your wonderful love for all things tobacco, I've decided to give you one night, a full bag and a nice pipe with this man. You'll be dining on his yacht, Zaca, in Palma de Mallorca. Enjoy your evening and be careful if he tries to kiss you... he is dead you know?

Secret Santa

I give Jayson a nice big wet kiss from Ozzie.

I'll even throw in some tongue.

Good Quotes

God gave man wine, to make his heart glad. Psalm 104:15

"The selling of bad beer is a crime against Christian love." - 13th Century Law, City of Augsburg, Germany.

"Give me a woman who loves beer and I shall conquer the world." Kaiser Wilhelm.

"He was a wise man who invented beer." Plato.

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Benjamin Franklin

"There are more old wine drinkers than old doctors." German Proverb.

"The Prohibitionists say that drinking beer is bad for you but the Bible says that Noah made wine and drank it and he only lived to be 950 years. Show me an abstainer who ever lived that long." Will Rogers

"If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomaches." David Daye

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." Dave Barry

Secret Santa Gift #1

I was assigned MATT MILLER as my secret santa giftee.

And so, MATT MILLER, here you are:



Merry Christmas, MATT MILLER!

There's a New Beer In Town...

"Olympia" Beer. $1 more than PBR, twice the taste.

What makes it taste so tasty, you might ask? "It's the Water!"

German beer hurts more the next day than regular beer.

miller's email?

if you have it, drop it in the comments. he's the only one who doesn't know who his person to 'get' a gift for is. i don't want someone to not get one. btw you should post something for your person if you have picked it out.

out

I'll Be At The Red Lion

For most of the evening if anyone would like to stop by.

To Whom It May Concern.

Word em up - booshaaka -

Grant Redwine will be in the LA area from the 15th through the 18th of this month (Decemeber). Stewart Redwine is graduating from Azusu on the 17th. If you would be interested in hanging out with Grant Redwine, drinking your face off with him, or generally creating chaos and mayhem (or just bullshiattin) hit him up at 310.428.6446. He plans on keeping that phone number until either: A. he dies or B. the Union dissolves and general disorder and chaos sets in. Hit him up.

PEACE

Recovery Group

when: January 1st, 2006
where: Shady Lane (Matt & Lisa's)
what: A New Year's Day brunch
who: You
why: If you can manage to get out of bed after Jayson and Jen's all-night assault on the arrival of 2006 then it will be a wonderful time to relax and recover.

how: Mimosas and Bacon!

mother f*&(er A** Wipe Da**it whore cat S**t bag Son of a B**ch.

that's all.

Delicious and Easy

So, I've been battling this cold for a couple weeks now and its beginning to drive me crazy. There is an enormous amount of liquid flowing out of my head, and I feel stuffy and dizzy a lot. I'm learning to adjust, though I really do miss the sense of smell. Could possibly be my favorite sense. The weather has been cool. It snowed a lot Friday night and through Saturday day. Waking up to a blanket of snow is special, because of the cold the snow stuck to the streets and made for an insane ride on the streets. I live on a street that doesn't get much sun light and rests at about a 40 degree angle. Which means there's about 4 inches of ice and cars sliding down at all angles. I need to say that the new maxima has handled like a champ. There's even a little light that comes on letting me know that I'm slipping. Don't know why the light helps, but I guess its nice to know that one is slipping.
I cozied up and watched 'all the presidents men' on Saturday night. nice fire, a little vino, and a good Robert Redford film... It was nice. I realized I like investigative journalism, and maybe feel like I missed my calling. I really like the concept of the press. I know we live in a 'free press' environment, but I can't help but feel I'm being fed propaganda mixed in with news, and it can be difficult to sift through the facts. But the rush of pursuing a story, detective like, social accountability. The press influences the public, and the public ultimately decides ones fate. It was amazing to see the impact that those to fellows had on American history, the story eventually taking down Nixon. Dug it. Social accountability.

Happy Birthday Hombre

I hear right after this picture, Austin lost two of its sons in a knife fight. It looks like they said the wrong thing to the piano player.

secret santa II

so i have sent out names to those who i could locate on myspace. it was much easier to do it that way then write emails to everyone from my regular email account. i however need to contact these people to let them know who they have. leave me your email in the comments, or find my email address on my blogger profile. here's who i need to contact:

miller
dan
keith

let's set a goal of posting about the gifts we're 'getting' for people by this friday.

Matt?

Commuter matt, what was the name of that site you told me about. The lonely something? with that band and stuff. I can't remember a damn thing.

virtual secret santa

so here's an idea i came up with that i think will be sorta fun. we're going to do a virtual secret santa thing here on the porch to get ourselves into a festive mood. here'e how it works.

1. sign up by leaving a comment on this post
2. this weekend i will pull names out of a hat from those that sign up
3. you will 'buy' your secret person a virtual gift
4. post your virtual gift here on the porch for that person to see

here's the catch. the virtual gift you get for your person must be under $50 in the real world. since we're not actually getting these in real life, it would be easy to pick something like buying the dodgers for jesse or something like that, so that's why we're going to stick with the $50 rule. include a picture of the item in your post, tell us who it's for and why. the weirder the better. if the item is not safe for work (NSFW) just make a link to the photo of the item and make sure to note that it's NSFW.

here's some links to get you started.

stupid.com
crazy gifts for cat ladies
weird gifts
gag gifts

by all means, think of something funny for the person you get. it will make it all the more funny if it's something that actually kinda makes sense.