An Official Welcome to the Ghosts in Our Machine

On Cyber Spies and the Sneaky Things That They Do

Gentlemen, we are not alone.

It seems in recent weeks that a couple of spies have been in our midst. These spies are not your run of the mill spies, you know what I mean, glorified peeping toms and the like. These spies are the real deal; they've got equipment, and they listen to their neighbors with special listening devices. These spies listen to their neighbors make love. With women.

On Informants, and How to Use Them

Luckily you all have me, and I have an informant. Using my state of the art listening skills, I gleaned some choice information from an informant of mine (who will remain nameless), who we'll just call Heather Teel, a.k.a. "Auntie Ha Ha." HTAKAAHH let me know that our porch movements were being monitered by this crack spy duo, and that we ought to watch our step. Well, if there is one thing that people who know me know about me, it's that I can't be intimidated, at all. So when I heard about the spies, I knew that watching my step was the last thing to do. Like our President, I was going to have to kick some ass. And so I did.

On Coaxing

Basically, I knew, and they didn't know that I knew, and I knew that too. Basically, I walked into that party last night with one thing on my mind -- entrapment. I would trick the spies into revealing some intimate knowledge they could have only received by spying on the porch. Something having to do with periods, or maybe, no, actually, periods would be just perfect.

On Periods

I am on my period right now.

On Getting My Kicks

The shorts of the story is that they fessed up. They knew they were playing with fire.

And so, I'd like to officially welcome Emily and Micah McGraw to the virtual porch, and encourage them to post from time to time, if the Spirit leads. We like you, and you don't have to spy any more. Or you can, if you really want to. But know this: now we know you're here...

On the Hit Late-Nineties Thriller "I Know What You Did Last Summer" (The Original, Not the Sequel(s)) and How it has Shaped Who I Have Become, and, Possibly, Who I May Someday Be

Personally, I think that movie kicks ass. Especially Ryan Phillipe kickboxing. Oh man he's tough.