I'll talk to you later.

So I have been having a problem for the last several months. For those of you reading this that may have had the rare opportunity to speak to me in person, you may be familiar with my malady. You may have confused it with a simple "coming of age" or a vain attempt to sound more masculine and tough. Perhaps you thought that I've simply been sick for several months.

None of these are true. I visited the doctor today, and it turns out, I just talk too g-d much. Apparently, I have been straining my vocal cords (chords?). How? I suppose through teaching. Now, before you jump to any conclusions, I don't yell at my students. I very calmly tell them that they should stop being absolute failures and start acting like an effing normal person!

Well, that's actually not true. I do occasionally have to raise my voice to communicate over the shouting of approximately 30 8th graders, though, and that has made my once beautiful voice strained and gravely. I am constantly hoarse and suffer from occasional total losses of voice altogether.

All this to say, I will be talking to you later. I have been ordered to stop speaking for 72 hours. I will begin this verbal fast on Saturday the 11th of February, ending it on Monday the 13th. How will I accomplish this task? Truthfully? I don't know. I like talking. A lot. I could be accused of having a rather big mouth. Somehow I must prevail.

If you're thinking of dropping me a line, go ahead and write an email or send a text message. I won't be calling you back. If you're having a party, don't be afraid to invite me and Jen. She can still talk and I can still drink up all the Henesey you got on your shelf.